Solace
by Miss Asian
Summary: She was essential to this family we had. If there wasn’t an Alice in our life, we wouldn’t know how we could go on with our never ending existence. She was that important.


**Some Carlisle/Alice goodies. Haha. I don't own anything.**

**Just watched the New Moon trailer... I just about had a heart attack! It was AWESOME! I always get chills when I watch it... I keep it repeating it over and over again. Everything is PERFECT! The cinematography, costumes, make-up... Alice is so MAJOR! Carlisle is dreamy... I love his wig. *keeps wishing that the part where he stitches Bella up won't get cut* And the whole wolf transformation thing! Thumbs up for Chris Weitz for this one! Can't wait for November.**

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The source of enjoyment I was having in a cloudy Saturday morning was a practical health information book I had acquired. It arrived yesterday and I just found my free time to sit down on my chair and read it. My mind wandered through many things simultaneously: the soft tune of Esme's voice as she made a new blueprint in our bedroom; the somehow disturbing conversation between Rose and Emmett inside their room; the strum of Jasper's guitar; the lilting laughter of Edward, Bella and Nessie downstairs; the loud snoring of Jacob in the backyard; and Alice's rhythmic footsteps as she stopped in front of my office's door.

"Come in, Alice." I said as I closed the book and placed it on top of my desk. The door creaked open and Alice flitted in front of me in half a second. It took me by surprise to see her hair not in its usual spiky do but instead it hung straight down her chin. Her eyes were a dark topaz and the purple circles under her eyes were becoming prominent. She was only wearing a knee-length pale blue sundress. She pouted at me. I had the urge to chuckle at her adorable expression but managed to suppress it.

"You wore that shirt a month ago. Why are you wearing it again?" she pointed at the white button down shirt I was currently wearing. I raised my eyebrows at her. "And those jeans you never wore until now looks great on you. You need to have more jeans."

I smiled then as I stood up. Esme's melodic chuckle echoed inside the house. "Are you implying that I should go _shopping_ again?"

Alice pursed her lips in a tight line as if in concentration—what a weird response from her. She nodded a second later. "The last time I shopped with you was three years ago. So don't you dare decline Carlisle Cullen or I'll annoy the hell out of you for the rest of eternity."

The laughter around the house became louder as the others tuned in our conversation. I frowned in disbelief. I was never the shopping man. _"Be nice, Alice. You're trying to make a favor."_ Esme chuckled once more from the other room.

"Okay, Esme. Sorry about that." Alice replied as she held the sleeve of my shirt and rolled it up to my elbow—she did the same with my other arm. And then she stood on tiptoes and ruffled my hair. I just had to let Alice do whatever she wanted to do. No one could stop her. She beamed at me after that. "Good. We're ready to go."

My wife was at the door in an instant and I kissed her before leaving. She eyed me like I was a masterpiece and then she pinched my cheek. "You're so adorable when you dress so young."

"Right. You're just like Alice in terms of this." I kissed her once more before I headed downstairs. I gave a short conversation with Edward and Bella, kissed my granddaughter's forehead in which she giggled furiously, and then went outside the house. Alice was already sitting on the passenger seat of the Mercedes—her face was masked with a strange expression.

My daughter was still unusually quiet when we reached Seattle. Her tiny face showed the same expression. I knew that she was looking for the future. Her visions should be clear by now. Unlike inside the house where there were constantly half-people that were unintentionally blocking her visions. Alice, as enthusiastic as she always seemed to be, could also feel other depressing emotions. Her vigor that was constantly shown in our presence could sometimes be false… for she tried to at least cement the fear and exhaustion she felt. That was her. And I knew that this trip had its purpose.

"Try this one." Alice spoke in her soprano voice as she handed me a bottle green shirt that might as well cost a normal citizen's monthly wage. I frowned at the incredulously high amount. She noticed the change of my expression and raised a perfect eyebrow at me. "You, Carlisle Cullen of all people, had accumulated a lot of money. I don't even want to think about how much or else my brain will implode. Give me the AmEx card."

Her pixie face was fierce and I did not dare disobey her. I pulled the black American Express card from my wallet and surrendered it to her. She gave me a wicked smile and then turned to another rack of clothes. I just stood there with a defeated expression on my face. I could hear a muffled giggle coming from the lady behind the counter. Alice pulled another shirt. "This blue will look great on you."

We—I mean _she_—moved on to another branded store and to another and another and another until she looked satisfied. I was the one carrying all the stuffed eight big paper bags as we winded through the crowded mall. People looked at us occasionally—their eyes, wide and curious. I kept a convincing straight face throughout the rest of the whole ordeal and Alice was silently keeping the smug look on her face. She was silent most of the time spent; only speaking when she voiced her brief and yet professional opinions on how I looked like. It was really unnecessary though; she need not be for she already saw even before she laid hands on given apparel. I supposed she wanted to at least act normal in a scenario like this one.

I pondered more about things that were normal when I felt her tugging the rolled sleeve of my shirt. I looked down at Alice and was again taken aback at the new expression I saw on her face. In sixty years I had known her, never had I seen such emotion cross her constantly happy face. The darkness of her eyes stared at me pleadingly as if need of help. And I couldn't comprehend what had happened for her to feel like this. Her lips trembled as if in the verge of crying.

"Let's go." I quickly said as I managed to hold the eight paper bags in my left hand. Alice's tiny hand found mine as we exited the much used mall. It was already dark when we both reached the car. I placed all the bags inside the trunk and turned to meet the Alice I was not familiar with.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked as I started the engine of the Mercedes.

She did not respond as the blankness took over her face. A second later, she furiously rubbed her temples. "What's wrong, Alice? Tell me."

"I feel so tired, Carlisle. You know what I mean..." she leaned her head on the window. Her voice sounded so exhausted—the beautiful trill of it was gone. I just let her speak. "The visions are always there… so many possibilities, so many tiny decisions. And I can't see them _clearly_. That's why I always go away outside the house and into some place where I could see those visions. I need to look out for everyone. I don't want the Volturi incident or any other one to happen again."

It was strange to see Alice in a state like this. In perfect clarity, I remembered the first time she knocked on our door and the vibrancy of her face when I opened it for her and Jasper. She hugged me first then before she introduced herself and then addressed me by my name like I was her best friend. She also embraced Esme and Rosalie and then set off to find her room. The shock on our faces was indescribable as Alice babbled about everything. She was a stranger to us back then but for her, we were already a family in her heart. It never changed—her energy and joyfulness. And when we all thought she had left us and returned just barely a month ago, we all felt so very lost. She was essential to this family we had. If there wasn't an Alice in our life, we wouldn't know how we could go on with our never ending existence. She was that important.

"Why didn't you tell me beforehand?" I could've helped her even though I had no idea how.

"I don't want anyone to worry. Especially Jazz. I tried to be happy as I could be because I don't want him to feel the desperation and exhaustion I'm feeling. Even Edward… he don't have any idea because I don't give a thought about myself whenever I'm around him. And I know how Esme would feel… and Bella. Rose and Em would worry, too. And I never spend much time with Nessie because my visions fade—oh God knows how much I want to be with her and give her clothes." Alice talked in a voice so strained and then she looked at me with those tired heavy eyes.

"You're the only one I can talk to, Carlisle. I know you give the best advices." she smiled a weak smile before her face finally fell into a broken expression. She burrowed her face in her hands and began to sob. I was alarmed.

"Alice," my voice cracked and I reached my right hand to touch her shoulder. She shook her head repeatedly until she let out a painful moan. I felt my dead heart break into pieces as I witnessed the most joyous of my children fall apart. "Alice…"

"I saw you _die_," I instantly froze as she suddenly flung her arms around my neck and hugged me so fiercely as if she didn't want to let go. "I had a vision before the Volturi came and I saw you solely walking towards them… you were so grave… so broken. They did not let you speak and killed you. I could not bear to remember the reactions the others had in that vision. You _sacrificed_ yourself! How could you do that to Esme?! To your children?!"

I breathed so heavy it was almost painful. "Alice… I'm here, I'm alive."

Alice shook her head and even tightened her grip around me. I almost flinched. "That's why I'm so scared that something would happen again. I'm scared that you will do such a stupid thing. I'm so glad that _that horrible _vision did not came true… I still found you alive when I came back with Jazz. And everything turned out all right with the family."

"So there's no need to worry," I said soothingly as I patted her back.

"No." she snapped. "Do you know that I still see a vision of me being a part of the Volturi? Aro's still rooting for me. And do you also know that history could repeat once more? I had a vision of another complication coming but it's hazy and there are only flickers of it. I don't want anything _bad_ to happen again, Carlisle. That's why I need to look out…"

"They could change. And the Volturi would never cross paths with us again. I know Aro when he makes a compromise. And of course, there will always be complications. What is life if there is no problem? That's why we are here, we are united… that we would all together face these problems that would come… no matter how many they are." I tried to be as reasonable as possible in dealing with the matter. Alice loosened her deathly grip around my neck and just leaned on my shoulder. She relaxed a little.

"I guess you're right." she spoke so low. "I just had a glimpse a second ago…"

"What is it?"

"That there is hope after all." I kissed the top of her head. "I worry too much about the future that I don't pay more attention to the more important things around me."

She was silent for a few seconds before she spoke again. "And I want you to know that we all need you, Carlisle. We can't imagine this family without you. You're the very essence on why we stand so strong. Without you… we would all fall apart, too. That's why I'm scared of that vision and I don't want to ever have that same kind again. There's no need for self-sacrifice… you scared me."

"I'm very sorry then. I thought then that I need to make this family safe and if I could be a way, then so be it. It was a foolish thing to decide. But everything changes, right?" she nodded and I kissed her cheek.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked and she nodded once more. She returned to the seat beside me but kept her left hand on my right arm. The half-moon was shining brightly from above, giving an adequate light towards the dark road. It was still a long way back home.

"Carlisle?" Alice spoke when I turned to the winding road towards our home. It was well past midnight. I looked at her. She held a soft expression on her face. "Do you remember what it feels like to sleep?"

I was surprised at her question. How could I remember? It had been nearly four hundred years since I last drifted into unconsciousness. But I replied with a smile. "All I knew is that it's very peaceful— but not when having a nightmare."

Alice gave a short chuckle. She couldn't remember anything from her human life that was why it was harder for her to understand the simple nature of humans. But she was Alice… she tend to find answers to her questions. "Do you think that if I close my eyes and just relax, I could have the closest thing to sleep?"

"I tried that most of the time especially after my work. It _is_ viable." she smiled at me and then closed her eyes. She looked peaceful now.

The thing that surprised me was when I parked the car inside the garage; Alice did not open her eyes and move. I chuckled as I scooped her up in my arms. Esme was waiting in the living room with Jasper sprawled on the carpet. My wife gave me a tender smile before she disappeared and Jasper stood up with an amused expression on his face.

"What happened—?" he asked me in a whisper and I cut him—the same amusement reflected on my own face.

"She's sleeping." I replied in the same whisper voice. A brief smile flashed on Alice's lips as Jasper took her from me. "Now, go join her in her peaceful sleep."

I patted Jasper's shoulder and he thoughtfully smiled at me before he flitted upstairs. I went back to the garage to get the paper bags and went straight to Esme. She was in our room.

"That was very sweet of you." she said—referring to Alice. I kissed her with passion as I always did and embraced her mightily. The faces of my children and granddaughter flashed before my eyes… Esme, Edward, Bella, Nessie, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice…

"Oh what I would do to this family." I sure was lucky to have the greatest one.


End file.
